I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
