i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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