Dual....:-)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
