She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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