In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
