I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
