ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
