i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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