So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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