i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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