erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
