I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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