I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
