Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
