i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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