fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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