This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
