shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So vagazzling was a success
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
