i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
