I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
