I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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