"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
