Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
