First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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