Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can I color on your dick again?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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