If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
