I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i would punch a child for taco bell
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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