Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
