I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
