lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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