I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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