dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
