then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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