Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
