So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
