Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
