Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
