I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
