You work out of a Hotel?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
