in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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