First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
