I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Be still, my beating vagina.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
third nipple confirmed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
