Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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