wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just google imaged poop.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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