Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
