if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
