I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
