She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
