i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
