she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
