i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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