Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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